Tuning In To iTunes

In addition to obsessing about comedy, we've been known to obsess about music on occasion as well. However, we have to admit that we have a hard time understanding how "popular" music has gotten so incredibly awful over the past few years.

In an effort to solve this mystery, we decided to take a closer look at the top 5 songs on iTunes today and see if we can figure out exactly what they have to offer.

Here's what we found:

"Give It To Me"
Timbaland w/ Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake

In a real twist for pop music these days, this song is about how awesome its performers are. Timbaland, Nelly and JT take turns explaining how great they are, while the chorus reminds us that we should give it to them. They never explain what “it” is, but we’re gonna guess their "props."

Nelly kicks off the song with a verse that reminds us that we love her ass and her abs, while also informing us that she’s a supermodel and a “mummy.” Timbaland gives us his rate quote – “I get a half-mil for my beats and you get a couple grand,” while JT gets philosophical on the haters, asking “If sexy never left, then why’s everybody on my shit?”

Our Favorite Line: “Amnesty international got bankrupt (I’m on top, on lock).” Huh?

"Girlfriend"
Avril Lavigne

This song is just like the movie Misery – only scarier. The trainwreck that is Avril Lavigne stretches creatively in this song, which as best we can tell is about a psycho stalker chick that wants to be our girlfriend and thinks the best way to make that happen is to whine and bitch at us to make our current girlfriend “disappear.”

And who wouldn’t want a girlfriend that makes her case with comments like “I’m a motherfucking princess,” “She’s like so whatever, you could do much better,” and “Even when you look away, I know you think of me?”

Our Favorite Line: “You’re so fine…I want you mine.” (that’s not a typo by the way)

"I Tried"
Bone Thugs N Harmong and Akon

Ahhh…thug love. Bone Thugs N Harmony (who as far as we know, still miss their Uncle Charles – ya’ll) sing this thug ballad to the ladies that they tried to be better thugs for. But as if often the case with thugs, we quickly learn that “they’ll always be a victim of these streets.” You know who isn’t a victim of the streets? Akon, who you might recognize from 87% of the songs in the current Top 40.

Our Favorite Line: “You know nothing comes easy…You gotta try real, real hard…I tried hard…But I guess I gotta try harder.”

"Snappin’ (Buy U A Drank)"
T-Pain

Ok, we have no idea who or what T-Pain is, but we love him already just for using the term “Drank.” There’s no way this song is a hit if it’s spelled “drink” – no freakin’ way. It appears T-Pain is a real sweet talker who knows how to romance a lady. After all, what woman could resist his invitation to come back to his crib so he can show her how he lives and they can “get drunk, forget what we did.”

As if that wasn’t enough, T-Pain continues to woo the ladies by letting them know he “got money in the bank” and you can find him in his grey Cadillac (way to break the stereotype). Also, apparently when you’re in the bed with him, he’ll be like “Ooooh…Ooooh…Ooooh.” So you have that to look forward to.

Our Favorite Line: “Now we’re both bout tipsy…You say you in the mood…All I need is bout an hour…Better yet maybe two.”

"Beautiful Liar"
Beyonce and Shakira

The idea of a collaboration between Beyonce and Shakira is the most exciting thing we’ve ever heard. The realization is that it was on a song and not a sex scene, is the most disappointing. Let’s be honest – it really doesn’t matter what this song is about because it’s really just an excuse to make a video with Beyonce and Shakira shak-ing their yonce’s.

Our Favorite Line: “Ay Beyonce, Beyonce…Ay Shakira, Shakira…Ay Beyonce, Beyonce…Ay Shakira, Shakira.”