I Really Like My Fans, But Christ, Do I Fucking Hate People
I’m back in California for a few weeks after finishing up three legs of my tour that took me from LA to Aberdeen, Washington to Gainesville, Florida and back. So far, besides driving me into bankruptcy and insanity, the tour has been a lot of fun.
In the past six weeks I’ve done over 30 shows in which I got to do 45 minutes to an hour-and-a-half. Not even famous people get that much stage time in a month and a half in Los Angeles as I did on the road, so if anything I’m really thankful for the opportunity to get to do that much standup in such a short time span.
That being said, I’ll readily admit that a lot of America that I got to see scares the crap out of me.
I was home a couple weeks ago for a few days and did a short set at my friend’s dive bar show in Northridge, CA. One of the people in the audience was from Grant’s Pass, Oregon and after talking to them from stage I ended up spending most of set making fun of Oregon and the Pacific Northwest.
Here’s a video I made of the set:
Not the greatest clip in the world. There’s not much laughter (there were about six actual audience members in the room) and some of the wording is a little sloppy and even homophobic (complaining about people in scarves with HIV isn’t exactly the high-brow Platonic ideal you shoot for when performing on stage), but I thought the clip was an interesting enough to put up on YouTube and my website (www.danvsamerica.com) for my fans to see.
Most of the email and comments I got were pretty positive or at least expressed empathy for me having performed in such a pathetic room. I think most people realized that I was making fun of Oregon and other cities just to be funny. I mean, who can really hate somewhere after visiting for less than 48 hours?
However, I received one comment on my YouTube page from someone who did not enjoy the video, my comedy, or the fact that I still hadn’t been punched in the face as a result of one of my sets.
Here’s their comment:
From: z8it
I came to see your "comedy".
Not only ARE you a Hicks wannabe. you are NOT FUNNY!
There is a difference between being funny and talking so fast and so relentlessly; that you wear your audience down.
When you get you ass kicked; some night after your act,
( and believe me; you will.)
I hope you remember that.
go back;
listen to Hicks;
Try to discern the subtlety;
and try to grasp the fact that he actually LOVED his Audience.
He knew that they were stupid; and he was trying to HELP them.
Not only ARE the wrong words capitalized for emphasis, but, Christ, this person is just such a tool. Apparently they’ve been using their Ouija board to divine how Bill Hicks felt about his audience and what his intentions were with each performance.
Then, he or she goes on to use the Ouija board to foretell my impending physical doom at the fists and feet of an outraged audience member. Then, I am instructed to go back and study Bill Hicks’ albums to “discern the subtlety” of a man who I am supposedly trying to copy.
I’d love to spend the rest of this article calling this person names and describing what an idiot I think they are. But, instead I offer this comment that appeared right after theirs that made me feel immediately better.
From: g2odvaeh
As a person who lives in Oregon and was born in Eugene...
I hate that town just as much as you do. Thank God you missed the "Country Fair", where the hippies get naked in fields and sell their soy beeswax candles and braid pubic hair.
I am not even joking. If Cobain lived in Oregon, he would've killed himself before Nirvana even started.
This person’s comment made me laugh and it made me realize that I don’t hate audiences; I hate performing for stupid people.
That’s kind of the whole reason why I decided to do my tour at venues besides comedy clubs. I’d rather rent out a roller rink or bowling alley lounge and have 20 or 30 people who actually like what I do (like the person who left the comment above) come out and see me. I really like my fans and getting to perform for them. But, I’m not trying to convert retards into becoming my rabid followers.
There are some comedians who are pleasing to all types of people and audiences. And that is their gift and their skill set, but it’s just not something that I possess or aspire to become. I want to entertain people and make them laugh. It’s just that I’m aiming for a much smaller portion of the population than mainstream club comedians are.
I don’t think this is such a bad thing. There are a lot of bands that I like who make a lot less money than Fergie or Matchbox 20. But it doesn’t make them any less talented or “good.”
Anyway, I really do like my fans and I enjoy getting to meet them in person. Even the crazy ones (which are usually about 1/3 of the ones that I make online). I even make up silly little giveaway contests like this one every week for the people who regularly watch my stuff.
Would I be making retarded little videos of me with terrible facial hair at 1:30 in the morning every week if I didn’t like my fans? I don’t think so. In this one my glasses make me look cross-eyed and my hair looks like a crooked wig. I must really like these people. Or, at least really hate myself.
Sidenote: Please forgive me for referring to people who visit my website and watch my videos as “my fans” in this article. I realize that doing so is completely pretentious and up-my-own-assey. However, I don’t really know what else to call them. I could say “my friends,” but that sounds even creepier than “fans.” So, I don’t know. I just wanted to put it out there that I think anyone as unfamous as me referring to the three or four dozen people online who watch my videos as “fans” is kind of cheesy, but I still did it anyway for lack of having a better vocabulary. Sorry.
Dan Bialek can be reached through his website Danvsamerica.com. If you’d like him to come to your town, put on a comedy show, and fight one of his friends in your front yard, please email him at shows@danvsamerica.com. He has previously written about why putting on your own standup tour is a bad idea and the secrets to indie comedy touring.
0 comments:
Post a Comment