Love/Hate With Brido: Eminem Fans

Hi everybody. Here’s a little more background information on me before I launch right into this column.

Before moving to Los Angeles six months ago, I was in Chicago doing stand-up and became a part of a comedy collective known as Blerds. We formed in 2006 and made comedy videos. One of my videos (co-written and co-starring Mike Holmes and directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts) is a parody of every Eminem song. Perhaps you’ve seen it. Perhaps not.

The video has gotten its fair share of exposure and views. Not millions, but enough to warrant a good number of comments on sites like MySpace, Super Deluxe, eBaum’s and YouTube, etc. My favorite comments are not the “LOL”’s and compliments. They are the comments by angry teens who love Slim Shady and want to tell us how much they dislike the video.

Even the French have angst-ridden teens who like to tell us our mothers are whores. We’ve had a good time sharing the hate mail, both on and off stage, but I’ve never taken the time to retort to anything the naysayers have said.

Yesterday, Jordan sent on a particularly good comment from the Blerds’ YouTube page to myself and Mr. Holmes. What I’ll do here is go line by line and argue with this young man. I hope you enjoy.

“k look here don’t eva disrespect slim shady and especially because you think you are all that talking bout somebody”

We don’t think we are "all that." This is more of a parody than a simple disrespect. I am not in the "rap game" and you should actually read it as more complimentary that we featured an artist you clearly like. So it’s not a "beef rap" as you traditionally know the term. Sorry for the confusion. You should look up the word "parody." And "comedy." It might help you get less angry when you see something like this.

“but newsflash you’re not i betcha there is at least 10 million ppl that hate you guts because of that”

I have a better news flash for you. There are not 10 million people that hate our guts. I think only a million people have seen this video. And a lot of those people have said they liked it. So your bet of "atleast [sic] 10 million" people is a bet you will lose. But, yes, I will bet you.

“so i tell you what next time you decide to eva talk bout a celebrity like that make sure that it’s a real loser like you.”

We didn’t "talk about" Eminem. We did a parody of his songs. Why would we "talk about" a “real loser” celebrity the next time? Look up "parody" again and figure out why people would go after non-loser celebrities. I don’t think someone like the black kid
from Different Strokes (let’s say) needs to be taken down another peg. We wrote the parody in 2005, when Eminem had a hit album.

“did you think it was some sorta joke???”

Yes, I did think it was a joke.

“do you think it was funny cause it wasn’t”

Humor is subjective.

“so you need to learn who you dealin wit shady way better than you so don’t eva think about doing something like that again”

We know Eminem is better than us at rapping. Again, we’re not in the hip-hop game.

“and his song don’t go: yea trailer park 8 mile shady 8 mile Detroit 8 mile Detroit Hailey Hailey Hailey MOM AND KIM AND HAILEY MOM AND KIM AND HAILEY mom and mom and mom and dr. dre mom and kim and mom and slim shady mom spaghetti. stuff like that”

Yes, we know his songs don’t "go like that." Not exactly, anyway. It’s an exaggeration. Look up "comedy" one more time. Then "parody" for a third.

“you know what he is real and unlike you he doesn’t have a fake world of lets make fun of ppl songs.”

Eminem does actually make fun of people in his songs. A lot, actually. Christopher Reeve, Sonny Bono, Britney Spears, ’N Sync, Christina Aguilera and the Backstreet Boys to name a few. If you are so passionate about his music, I’m surprised you didn’t
know that.

“so get it straight oops... im sorry you’re not straight your gay thats right”

Nobody involved in this video is homosexual, actually. But I can see the wheels turning in your brain as you typed this. You’re like a mongoloid James Joyce stream-of-consciousness writer. As soon as you typed "straight" I could almost see the light bulb go off in your dead-behind-the-eyes face. Your best attempt at being clever wasn’t very good at all. Why would I expect you to get this video? I hope the kids that obviously pick on you at school, keep doing so. I don’t want to come down to your level, but what’s gayer - poking fun at another man or your blatant worship of Eminem?

This is like an impassioned love letter defending your gay lover to your parents after
the blowup at Thanksgiving. You want his penis in your mouth. It’s obvious. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not for me, or the people that were involved in the video. But it’s definitely and obviously for you.

“and i’m only a kid just imagine what an adult would say 2 u.”

You think adults are sending us crazy messages on YouTube? No, buddy. Most adults understand humor more than you. But you’ll never know. A peace-keeping mission overseas or a garage accident is going to cut short any future you’ll have to know
about that. Also, you’ll die a virgin.

“and btw shady raps he doesn’t just say words he hears so get a life.”

We know that "shady raps." It’s not like that was another point you were throwing in. You’d already mentioned it.

“i wouldn’t mind if was just a celebrity but eminem is not just a celebrity and im gonna message him and tell him what you did”

You’re gonna tell on us to Eminem? Do you think Eminem is going to read your email and get his posse together in some sort of revenge? I hope he does. But go ahead. He seems like a guy who’ll email you back and you two can come up with a retaliation plan. Maybe afterward you can fulfill your fantasies of picnics and running through fields together.

Mike Bridenstine is a stand-up comedian based out of Los Angeles. He is a member of Blerds.com and quite possibly the funniest person of all time. He recently wrote about his love of England and hatred of Hillary Clinton. You can contact him at Myspace.com/MikeBridenstine and read his column here every other Wednesday.