Bad Press: Terrorism

A man was arrested when a flight from Hong Kong arrived at LAX yesterday. Said to be “unruly,” several passengers detained him and duct-taped him to his seat for the remainder of the flight.

What happened to the fun in flying? Do I have to go to Ireland if I want to get drunk and rough up a flight attendant at 30,000 feet? Remember when a stewardess brought you a rum and coke and the only tip you needed to give her was a fresh smack on the ass?! I miss the days of “the mile high club” and smoking cigarettes next to babies while spinning a revolver on my index finger all decked out like the old man from KFC!


What bothers me most about terrorism? It’s ruining my in-flight fun! Buzz killers! Do you know how many times I got laid in an airplane bathroom before September 11th? Zero!! Now it’s never going to happen!

If you had sex on an airplane, it was pre-9/11. The only way it’s happening now is if you have the cash to rent three things: a private jet, a nice suit, and a hooker. If you’re like me, you can only afford one of the three. And when your best friend asks you to be the best man in his wedding, you have a tough choice to make.

Paul Myrehaug is the 2007 Great Canadian Laugh Off Champion, beating out thousands of comics from around the world. Whip it Out Comedy discovered Paul at the Vancouver Comedy Festival, and he has recently ranted about the Olympic flame and a police state. You can catch him at www.seadonkey.org and read his column here every other Friday.